It's Nerf or Nothing...

Both proud and scarred of Boy Child; he just shot and killed a fly with a Nerf gun.

What's That Smell?

Boy child " Dad, do you smell that?"
Me "No, what is it?"
Boy Child " I farted"
Wife" Nice, look what you've taught him."

We interrupt this childs blog for a note from dad...

I always knew my kids would grow to hate me I just didn't think it would be when they were 5 and 2.

EWWW... She kissed me.

Boy Child:Dad I think I may be sick
Me: Why?
Boy Child: 'Becca kissed me last night. I think I may have cooties.

Soft is good.

Boy Child: " Daddy, can I wear these under ware they are softer on my junk."

The end of an era

Me: (to no one in particular) Oh, look, Blockbuster is closing.
Boy Child: What's Blockbuster
Me: The video store
Boy Child: Whats a video store.

2 things 1)Now I know why they are going out of business, kids don't even know what video stores are. b) And yet again my kids make me feel old.

How quickly they learn (the morning addition).

Boy Child: I need a cup of coffee.
Me: Excuse me?
Boy Child: I'm grumpy and coffee makes everything better.
Me: This is true.

Did I mention his sister is sassy too?

Me: Girl Child, did you spill the milk over here?
Girl Child: No, it was Bobo.
Me: Really?
Girl Child: Yes (turns to Bobo) Your a bad bear go to time out Bobo.

And this is Bobo.

He, she, wait, what?!?

boy child: dad, I think that girl is really a boy.
me: Yes she is.
boy child: yeah, that's weird.

Becareful what you tell them...

Me: So boy child, I started a blog full for all the funny things you say.
Boy Child: Cool, so I'm like a rock star now! (after a beat) yeah, your gonna put that there aren't you?
Me: Why yes, yes, I am.

Oh, Poop

Boy Child: Dad, when did I have corn?
Me: Why?
Boy Child: There is corn in my poop.
Me: Dude, flush the toilet.

Leaving aside the whole corn digestion... thing; what is it about poop that kids find so fascinating?

A classic Boyism...

Boy Child: Dad, what does yellow feel like?
Me: That is to deep of a question for this time in the morning.
Boy Child: More coffee first?
Me: More coffee first.

Sarcasm

I have always said that the Family Sarcasm evolves with each generation of Gold men. My grandfather was sarcastic, my father was more sarcastic than him and I in turn am more sarcastic than my father. And all was right in the world until 5 years ago when my wife and i were blessed with a bouncing bundle of joy. We shall call him... Boy Child. From birth I knew there was something special about this one; he would roll his eyes when ever anyone made mention of how lucky we were to have a boy instead of a girl. There was a glint in his eye as if he was already saying just wait until I can talk.

Now here we are 5 years later and he is proving to be a sarcasm prodigy. In this space I will share with you some of the amazing pearls that he drops at the most inappropriate time.

Today, we shall start with last nights "complement" to his mother.

Boy Child Says: When I grow up I'm gonna be just like mom. Very responsible and no fun.