Me: Misty, you want a hot dog?
Boy Child: You can't give her a hot dog; they may have been related.
Girl Child: (spitting out lunch) WE ARE EATING DOGS????

NINJA DOG!!!!!!

Girl Child: Misty (the dog) is on my side.
Boy Child: Thats fine. I have a Ninja Dog on my team... you just can't see him... he's hiding.

I LOVE MY CHILDREN!

The End...

Boy Child and GFOBC (girl friend of Boy Child) are breaking up and in the discussion they are dividing up stuff! Boy Child: "You can have the family room and the kitchen; I'm taking the Play Room and the living room". This is the most surreal thing I have ever experienced.

Summer Fun!

My kids have decided to play that classic game this summer. It's called lets see how much we can annoy daddy before threatens to beat us.

Girl Friend says...

Boy Child tried to "break up" with his girl friend today because he likes another girl. Response from said girl friend "Shut up, you aren't allowed to break up with me". So now Boy Child wants to know if it is ok to just ask out the other girl since he tried. Oh, need I remind you he is all of 6 years old.

Me: Boy Child, let's go for a hike this morning.
Boy Child: No thanks
Me: Ok, then you are going to clean your room this morning.
Boy Child: So, what time do you want to head to the trails?

And this is how we negotiate in my house.

CODE RED...

Me: What you doing?
Boy Child: Making a color chart.
Me: What do the colors mean?
Boy Child: What kind of mood your in.
Me: Huh?
Boy Child: Yellow means you’re in a good mood, blue means you are annoyed, red means Girl Child and I should probably leave you alone for while.

Boy Child to Girl Child: "Do you want me to tie you up & torture you?"
Girl Child: "No"
Boy Child: "Oh, ok, wanna play cars"

That's MY job?

Boy Child: Dad let's have a better day tomorrow.
Me: Ok, and how do we do that?
Boy Child: How should I know, thats your job

Boy Child: Dad, milk comes from cows right.
Me: Yeap
Boy Child: And ice cream comes from milk.
Me: Yeap
Boy Child: Do ice cream cows live in Alaska to keep them cold?

The Boy Child Project

The Boy Child, is inquisitive. How inquisitive? Well, he has decided that he wants to decorate his room in maps and post cards from around the world. So in an effort to foster his desire to learn the wife and I have acquired world maps, subway maps, treasure maps and Disney maps and framed and hung them in his room.

Maps are easy. We can go to Target, The Learning Store and the local book store for those. It's the post cards that are the problem. And then I had an idea; thanks to the beauty of the Internet we have been able to connect with friends and family all over the world. And well, we were hoping that could look to you, our friends around the world, to possibly send a post card our way that shows off the beauty of where you live. If you, or anyone you know, are willing to help please send us a message and we will forward you our address.

All post cards we receive will be scanned and posted here as part of the Boy Child Project!

Working from HOME...

Boy Child: Dad, why do you stay home all day?
Me: Well, I work from home.
Boy Child looking around the room: Apparently you don't work as a cleaning

Cooties

Old man, at store, pats boy child on head; buy child turns to him and says "please don't touch me you might have cooties".

We need a new pet...

Girl Child Dadda can we get a wooly mammoth?
Boy Child No, thats crazy where would it sleep?

Me: Why do your mother and I have to yell to get you to do any thing? I don't like yelling at you.
Boy Child: Huh, you could have fooled me.

You can't fault his logic...

Wife: What type of Birthday Party do you want to have this year.
Boy Child: Lego
Wife: Ok, just out of curiosity why?
Boy Child: Because when people see the theme they will buy me little lego packs and then I can take all those little packs and return them to get a big pack that I really want.
Wife: Wow, thats not very nice.
Boy Child: They'll get over it.

He may have a valid point...

Boy Child: Dad, where's my lunch
Me: Boy Child, why don't you come make your own sandwich.
Boy Child: But dad, if I could do that why would I need you?

I think we might be doing something wrong. We watched The Fox and the Hound with the kids last night and the boy child was rooting for the hunter.

The English language is dumb...

The Setting: Boy Child and I working on his home work after school.

Me: ... actually that is the word "know".
Boy Child: No, no is spelled "no". I know that word.
Me: Actually it is spelled both ways and has 2 different meanings.
Boy Child: Seriously, how do they expect me to learn English is they keep making up all new rules?
Me: That is a very good question; just wait until we start discussing "to", "too" and "two".
Boy Child: English is dumb.
Me: Which ends in a silent "B".
Boy Child: Wait, what, why?
Me: I have no clue.

Me to girl child holding one of the many unworking cell phones in our house: "Whatcha' doin'?"
Girl Child: " Calling some one who cares."
Me: "All Right, remind me to talk to mommy about what we say in front of you"
Girl Child: "Ok"